We all live only once...

i've never actually realised how life around me was that screwed up until this very moment.
but as much as my life is currently rather screwed up, i have decided to focus on the finer things in life.

remember that cute eraser i stole from the bookshop in primary school?
how about the chinese test i cheated in in primary 6?
how about the way i shouted at the younger kids and boasted my way when i was prefect in primary school?
remember the way i strutted around in secondary school as if the whole school owed me a living?
remember the manner in which i vandalised my table?
remember the day i fought with my dad?

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the children in africa suffering from malnutrition.
bigger than my problem? indeed.
dozens of children suffering from HIV from birth, homeless, parent-less.
bigger than my problem? definitely.
the elderly dumped into homes, devoid of any care or concern from the children they once fed with their very hands.
bigger than my problem? obviously.

parents losing their children to freak accidents.
children losing their parents to old age and illnesses.
losing your loved ones.

as compared to these very people, i'm way luckier.
yes, my life's screwed up. and nothing's falling in place for me right now.

i know i need someone, something to get me through this.
and i think i'm turning nuts.
at times, i even think i'm suffering from violent and suicidal tendencies.

what is love?
who really loves me?
what are friends?
who are my true friends?

thats how life is.
cynical as it is.
the world's selfish.
and imperfect.

just like me.

i'll be gone before you know it.

okay.. so basically i'm idiling around everyday now...
till university

i mean.. here's my schedule for de wk... n probably mani wks to come

teaching music lessons like twice a wk....n tuition twice....

i think i need a job.. but i want flexibility..
so yeps..

anyone here needs tuition/siblings who need tuition? or singing/keyboard lessons? :P haha.. i wld greatly appreciate it... coz i have loads of time to spare, and i've my 10,000 dollars target to reach by the end of my birthday this yr.. .:P

been busy the past few days
excited with the coming of university term
but silently resenting the next few months after the next few months to come..

uni shld be fun
made a super big u-turn by accepting NUS FASS and rejecting NTU NIE despite signing de contract alreadi. lets just hope MOE doesnt blacklist me as an indecisive useless teacher-wannabe or sth..

my plans..
study in arts n social sci.
try to get a gd job. gd paying.
and if all else fails, become a teacher.
(and while tryin to get a gd job and studyin, hopefully study music part time n learn things assc wiv music)
and mebbe hopefully also fulfill my dreams of becoming a musician.

--

got a new laptop.
sony vaio once again
once a vaio customer, forever one
the design never fails to disappoint me (the price too however)
but yea, needed a faster laptop for university and for games as well... and since the IT fair was on, and my mum n dad were nice, i got a SonyVaio SZ433.

--
soccer on vesak day rocked my socks.
love playing with the guys actually..
in fact, love playing with people like detong n michael..
always encouraging, n intelligent on the ball as well...
their creativity created a number of goals for me n i finished the opponents off like 6 times.
which meant i scored 6 winning goals! wee...
come to think abt it, it was probably bcoz...
partly coz i hated one of de guys there coz of the way he kicked at ppl's shins like nobody's business
so i decided to totally play rough and use my body n chase like nobody's business.

cant say the same for the last field soccer game though.
demoralised.
and like eugene said.. disillusioned.
but well, screw tt match..

--
still on the topic of soccer,
man united just secred three new players
how cool's that... cant wait for the new EPL season to start..

--
starting to worry about when i'll actually start saving money..
n whether or not i'll haf a gd future.
i mean... i'm 22, and i havent even saved my first 10,000 dollars.. (and fyi, i'm not even close to saving that amount)
plus i havent got my license
and i'm still behaving like some teenager.
part of me wants to grow up,
but part of me fears what obstacles i have to face during the process of discovering adulthood.

--
i havent been updating so i've been just tryin to squeeze whatever that comes to my mind..

my stint at ctss is over
took many photos with classes like 1c1 and 1d1...
they rock my socks..
haha..
i will nv forget the faces of de ppl inside.. though i dont realli remember the names...
and the cute little portrait of me that jingyi yazhen and denyse frm 1c1 drew... its on my table btw! haha... i mean...
as a relief teacher, u dont expect much when u leave de school.. but these girls made leaving the school rather sweet =)
not forgettin de ppl i noe, ppl like rara n her frens.. haha.. (okae, i remember rara coz of de unique-ness of her name)
n of coz de rest =)
i nv know whether i'll ever teach again, but thanks for making the experience worthwhile =)

--
thats abt it now..
i cant sleep
but i'm gona try.

till then..