We all live only once...

i have this fear of a sudden
that my voice is lost permanently..

coz throat ain't hurting animore
but i cant even pitch now
i cant even sing scales without goin off key
without cracking

my voice is lower than the bass now.
and my range is cut by half.

read of ppl losing their voices permanently last time...
this isn't happening to me is it..

i want my voice back
i want to be able to sing
n perform

why else would i want to be stuck in australia feeling like i'm useless..

i'm sick
so so so so sick
cough
blocked stuffy nose
congested chest
swollen bleeding throat

and a voice thats totally off..

but still, i haf to sing
someone pray for me
i need to recover soon.

i hate it when i cant stop coughing
i hate it when my voice doesnt come out no matter how hard i try to sing
i hate it when i doubt my own singing abilities
i hate travelling and being far away from home for a prolonged period of time
i hate myself when i dont seem to be able to give my 100% trust in someone i love
i hate myself when i keep saying i wana diet but it nv materialises
i hate it when ppl tell me i'm short
i hate wearing specs when it slips down low my nose.
i hate it when i dont bathe every morning

okae.
random thoughts
:)

i wonder why you aren't with me to enjoy the cool sea breeze and the nice sunset...
den i realise...
i miss u so much =)

stupid starhub cheated me of my money.
i'm goin to make a fuss when i go back singapore.

-----
pretty free day today..
its goin to get busy tmr though...
woke up, had breakfast, rehearsals, lunch, mic check, dinner, online..
dats basically wd we did todae...
performances r gg to start tmr though..
so things r goin to pick up pace by tmr..

-----
lots of stars here at night
cold breezy weather
very nice n romantic weather to be in..


if only.....

pretty much relaxing first day at rockhampton..
de rm's small. but cosy
n it helps that there's internet..
n lots of company around..

kind of miss singapore though

i wanna spend a lifetime loving you

what can i do
if the love we had is torn into two
so u take the smile from here
and i'll take the tears.

just watched the movie premiere of Happy Feet... rather nice movie =)
sometimes its not the movie though, but the company =)
but nonetheless, i thought Happy Feet wasn't comparable to the other cartoon animation films.. but its nonetheless entertaining... :)

I bought a $129 jacket today.
an ADIDAS jacket...
and de thing is... i took 5 minutes to decide if i wanted to buy...
reason?
coz the GALA PREMIERE invitation stated "BLACK AND WHITE FORMAL" attire.. n de ppl around were like all in long sleeve shirts and smart looking pants or jacket... i was in like a long sleeve TSHIRT...
but aniwae.. so yeps... since i looked CHEENA according to lydiaa.. =p and NOWHERE near formal.. idecided to go get a jacket...
saw de white/orange adidas jacket.. n brought it to the counter without even checking de price...
but aniwae. here comes the main point
after buyin de jacket,
on the way into the theatre, i see children, ppl all in like tshirts and shorts/denim skirts/ etc.... haha.. so i felt super cheated for spending so much on de jacket...!















here's lydia with the jacket i bought =p














and a photo we took together while eating at bakerzin =)

australia.
rockhampton
THREE WEEKS.

sigh..
double sigh..

i dont really want to go...
can ppl be packed into luggages?

:|

My latest song's up..
Here are the lyrics for those who cant understand what i'm singing..
Written for an angel..

My Angel
I close my eyes and i see your face
And then at night i will fall asleep with you
In my mind
So you'll appear in my dreams tonight

What can i do girl to make you see
That without you i'm a guy who's nobody
I have got this feeling
That you're an angel in disguise

Pre-Chorus
Oh baby cant you see
That you mean so much to me
In my dreams i couldn't love you more
And from my heart,
i want you to know that

Chorus:
That you mean everything to me
And there is no where else i wanna be
But be in the arms of
An angel
And have you lie here next to me

I will cherish you and make you see
and i'll give you everything you need
Build a home with you girl
My angel
Would you be here in this dream, with me..

Heard you on the telephone
The thought of you brightens up my bad dull day
Don't need any other
And no one else can make me sway

No one knows what the future brings
But you my girl, i would give you that ring
Take it as a promise
We'll be there till the very end



Bridge:
Lying in this warm and cosy room
Talking bout and sharing all our feelings
Girl you, with that sweet endearing scent
I'm in the arms of an angel



Download it from http://www.savefile.com/files/270782

18/11/2006
this ring i give to you, with a promise...

From the first day that I saw your smiling face
Honey, I knew that we would be together forever
Ooh and I asked you out, you said no
But I found out
Darling, that you'd been hurt
You felt that you'd never love again
I deserve a try, honey, just once
Give me a chance and I'll prove this all wrong
You walked in you were so quick to judge
But honey, he's nothing like me

Chorus:
I'll never break your heart
I'll never make you cry
I'd rather die, ten live without you
I'll give you all of me
Honey that's no lie
I'll never break your heart
I'll never make you cry
I'd rather die, ten live without you
I'll give you all of me
Honey that's no lie

As time goes by you will get to know me
A little more better
Girl that's the way love goes baby, baby
I know you are afraid to let
Your feelings show (feelings show)
And I understand
But girl it's time to let go
Girl it's time to let go(girl it's time to let go because)

I deserve a try honey, just once
Give me chance and I'll prove this all wrong
You walked in you were so quick to judge
But honey he's nothing like me
Darling, why can't you see

I'll never break your heart
No way (no way)no how
I'll make you cry
Oh, need me
Honey no way
I'll do you right(no how)
I say no how

I would never do that to you girl
Ooh, just give me a chance
To prove you how much I love you
I would give you the world
If you're my girl...

haha.. photo with the president and his wife...
just suddenli felt like putting this up... :S wonder why he's looking away ...

Wrote sth short just now to describe this feeling i've been getting for the past weeks...

My angel

You mean everything to me
And there is no where else i wanna be
But be in your arms of
An angel
have you lie here next to me
I will cherish you and make you see
That i will give you everything you need
Build a home with you girl,
My angel
Would you be here in my dream,
with me...




------
Link added to download Clip: http://www.savefile.com/files/263643
its just a 20 second chorus though.. =)

to be honest with each other
to lie down side by side
hand in hand, talkin about everything and anything
without any secrets...

--------
thats wad a swt and fruitful r'ship shld be like

121106....

to all those taking ur As and Os =) , good luck!

to all those having ur happi holidays now, enjoy!

to all those who just ORD-ed, its time to get back our brains before we go into uni...

to all those who are ORD-ing soon like me, time to countdown~

-------

den again, i dunno if i want to ORD that soon...
performing for MDC in de acappella grp seem to bring me quite a lot of joy coz its my passion to be on stage...
i cant realli imagine that i wont be doin that in another 4 mths...

the living doll - only my bear bear loves me says:
jus wanna tell u dat, everybody has a past. u had a past reLationsHip dat u might nt be able to let gO.. but haf u ever thOught maybe somEone ouT der is waiTing for u. it is a past reLationShIP dat makes us wanna cherish ppl beSide us more. so.. Be strong cuz somEone somEwhere Outder is waiTing for u to find her. =)

the living doll - only my bear bear loves me says:
anyway.. be happy k ur coLourless Life will add colors to itself when u smiLe n tell urself that nOthIng will make u saD.

the living doll - only my bear bear loves me says:
n smiLe cuz u will nv nOe hU s in Love wif ur smiLe.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
smile.. coz u nv noe who's in love wiv ur smile...
smile ....
smile.......
smile............

i just had a dream i didnt want to wake up from...
she told me on de fone to go find her if i could...
so i rushed down to de bus stop to take 198 coz she said she would be at one of the bus stops..
i was really excited actualli...
den de stupid dream shifted my attention to this grp of 3 kids eating an ice cream wiv a super long ice cream stick...

den before i knew it. i woke up..
feeling empty..

super fun and fufilling day today! =)

woke up very late coz i had a pretty sleepless night thinking of stuffs in bed...
i onli managed to sleep at like 5?
but yeps.. woke up at 12... den bathed changed

went to collect my new specs wiv my parents..
it looks kind of spaceship-ish actuali... and my eyes look weirdly shaped when i'm in it somehow...
but yeps, den headed to takashimaya wiv my parents.. to find a briefcase and wallet for my dad...
after making my choice i left them to meet nana at cine...
bought tickets..
okae, sum1 was late.... i actualli thought we would miss de movie...
but yeps... watched "step up"

and i tell u..its a super nice movie
i wanna be a dancer now
i want to be like slim and fit and muscular
be like soft-boned and flexible
i wanna be able to breakdance..
to hiphoppp.. haha..
sheesh... okae, i seriously wanna be a dancer now....
the movie was a sneak preview though.. not sure when it will be out... but i tell u, its worth de money mans.. n i actualli wont mind watching it again...

yeps, den headed down for some shopping at far east..
tried on sunglasses, shopped around shops...
den had dis ridiculous idea of goin to kbox...
my first rxn was like.. "huhhh.. haha, i dint noe u frequent kbox"
so yeps, its members nite todae. super cheap. just haf to buy a drink and u can sing till 3am...
so we headed down to jec to sing...
it was rather fun..

okae. kbox finished. i decided to walk home...
in fact, i decided to take a bus at first.. so i walked across de road, den i missed de bus, so i decided to walk, so as i was walking, i was thinking "mebbe i shld go to the other bus stop to take 334"... so i walked quite far to the otehr bus stop, but to my dismay, i missed it as well.. so i dint want to stop walking.. so i continued walkin one big round to the other bus stop.. walk walk walk walk.. n suddenli i just felt like walking all de way home... )which is rather far actualli.. but it has been a long time since i did this..

i like walkin along de road at night myself
feeling de breeze
hearing de cars zoom pass me...
but i actualli feel rather peaceful..
n it gifs mi time to think abt things that have been bothering me...
abt my past..
abt my past r'ship...
abt the girl tt have been in my heart...
to think rationally...

......
been talkin to someone pretty often lately..
and i came across this msg
"is your life driven by the past or do you want to look ahead to the future?"
"it's no use asking .ya true it does provide a closure to what has happen and a closure to your relationship. but then again, does it matter if he explains everything to me now? will everything be the same again?"

i guess it pretty much makes sense...
she doesnt love me anymore..
why hold on to the past?
why let the past haunt me?
why let a failed r'ship (which u single handedly ruined) make u lose all self-confidence n self-esteem?

ppl say a leopard doesnt change its spots.
i believe otherwise.
coz i'm not a leopard.
i will not make de same mistakes i made before.
n if one day, tt perfect girl of my dreams shall come along, i would hold on tight, and give her the best.

haha.. okae, i decided to update a little on whats happening lately...
since i'm online aniwae to check for a msg on friendster...

------------------

hmm, does kukrusann mean anything in malaysia or phillipines or sth?
been gettin a lot of friendster views and msgs frm ppl in malaysia and phillipines lately... haha... was just having this random tohught if kukrusann is this vulgarity or sth.. =pP

aniwae.. performed on this super nice stage today.. its at CSC de civil club at bukit batok..
they had like stage wiv floors that light up and de background also had like squares that changed colours... its like those u see in Justin Timberlake MTVs when he's dancing, n de background colour keeps changing.. took a couple of photos.. sang a new song todae.. "ain't no sunshine".... pretty much had quite a lot of fun..

its a fridae night and i'm actualli stayin at home..
gettin pretty much of a football manager 2007 addict actualli...

arh well.... i feel like watchin a movie now.. ani1 freee? :| hahas...

loving someone doesnt equate to possessing her...
isn't it?

i just lost my spectacles.. YES.. my spectacles, something that i wear on me like 24 hours if i'm not wearing contact lenses...

went to tekong on saturday, we were rehearsing at the grass patch when i saw this pair of spectacles on de grass.. den i picked it up, told my frens "gosh, who can ever lose his spectacles, its so obvious rite, when ur vision is blur blahblahblah~", den i picked it up and playfully kicked it somewhere else..

so yes, de weather was hot, after performance when we reached mainland, i took mark's car.. before entering i decided to change, so i took off my specs, put it ON the roof of his car, and changed.. before dashing into de car...

abt 5 mins after he drove off, i was like wondering "gee, de weather's so hot i think i'm dehydrating.. my vision's so blur.... and i feel dizzy"...
den i felt for my specs and it WASN'T THERE...

alright, i left it on de roof...
n of coz, physics tell u that the spectacles wouldn't be there animore...
:S

arh well...
now i've got to waste $300 on my new specs coz i cant realli wear contacts too often.. rughhhs...