We all live only once...

you replied.
finally.
thank you...

sometimes we fall for people that we know we aren't supposed to.

its wrong. yes. but it happens.

being attached is not a must, nor a need.
its a long, thoughtful process...

and finally.
all you've got to do is follow your heart.

my grandfather is a good man.
he would never hesitate to help anyone in need,
be it his cousins, siblings, friends, or a stranger he hardly knows..
he always lent a helping hand to others,
when he was young, he used to treat the maids very well,
the foreign workers in his office,
he gave them money whenever he could.
its not like he had to,
but he did, thats my grandfather for you.

when i was young, he used to talk to me with a glass of tiger beer in his hand,
telling me about his past, about war, about peace,
i remember primary school days where he often sneaked me money to buy my favourite ice cream.
and how he used to talk to me about being a "nan zi han"
about studying hard and being a good boy.
yet his words didn't mean much to me when i was young...

just a year back, i looked at him and his health worsen.
he had to amputate his leg because of diabetes,
and he lay on bed all the time, refusing to get out.
but yet, each and every time i went back to visit him,
he always could find the energy to smile...

then it got worse.
he eventually started to forget the people around him.
but on the days that he could remember me, he held my hand, and said "ah john... guai sun (good grandson)"...

then in a matter of days i watched his health get worse.
he eventually lost the ability to speak.
words came out the way words would come out frm a baby...
he often tries to talk, but nobody could understand him.

but still, i can never forget that smile whenever i visited him.

just 3 days ago, i watched him lying in the hospital bed.
he never blinked.
he never closed his eyes.
he couldn't move much.
all he could do was nod his head...
yet when i told him i was leaving to school, and when i said bye,
he could nod his head. he cld listen...

2 days back,
i watched him lying in bed.
he never blinked.
he never closed his eyes.
he haven't eaten for days.

and it occured to me.
he didn't dare blink.
he didn't dare close his eyes.
because he didn't want to leave us.

i miss you grandpa.
i really do.

as i grew older, i stopped talking to you as much.
i don't even remember ever telling you that i love you.
i often feel that some words are better left unsaid.
but as i saw you a minute after u passed away on the hospital bed.
i broke down.
images flashed past me.
about how you would talk to me when i was younger
about how you would smile whenever i visited you.

i remember you fetching me in your van when i was a young boy.
i remember how you loved eating taukwas

when i visited you in the hospital,
i didnt' think i would cry.
i knew you would leave some day.
i thought i was prepared..

but when i saw you breathe your last breath, and as i walked past the coffin just now and took a look inside.
there i saw you..

and that smile you often gave when i visited you flashed back to me.

things wouldn't be the same without you.
now i'll visit grandma, and i wouldn't step into your room to say hello to you anymore.

but i know...
grandpa is a good man.
and he's in heaven now.
watching over me, and the family.

i love you gong gong...

quoted from a divorced mother of 2

The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.

---

ironic isn't it?
but sounds true..

you used to tell me how much i suck.
i just refused to listen.

ah. i love my new camera...!
okay, i realise i have a nice camera and shldn't haf bought a new one.. SO YES
i'm selling my SONY T-10 CAMERA. so if u all haf frens who want it! let me know! i'm like planning to let go of it at like 100 bucks.

and its STYLISH. so its worth the money

back to my new camera..
its a 14.7 megapixel camera with HD quality videos! which means! i can take videos when i move around nxt time. more photos of my choir, of my performances, of things i find interesting on the go...!

take a look at it!!
the samsung NV100HD...
http://www.letsgodigital.org/en/19437/samsung-nv100hd/

exams.
can't wait for it to be over...

when i'm 50,
i know i'll still have you on my mind.

a part of me disappears each time i try to go against myself.
but i wld love to make a change...

i just realised the impact of the recession.
never thought it would be affecting my family or whatever...

but i guess my dad bought lots of bonds n shares n stuff..
so lets just hope we tide thru this recession.

Exams are coming.
Deadlines to meet.
I'm dying.

And it doesn't help that i'm in NM2220 tutorials now idling my time away.

My cousin wants me to type that i'm glad she's in my life.
so ya. there it goes.
she's like my only form of entertainment now in tutorials.

not like i really want such a form of entertainment.

i hope she rots.

I LOVE DRIVING! :P
haha...
though it wld be great to have a car of my own... :

it got to be somewhere out there,
and all i need to do is to find it...

MAMMA MIA...!
this movie is fantastic.
and i watched it two times on two consecutive days....
once with qing
and the other time with my parents...

bought the soundtrack too!
and digged my old CDs for the ABBA gold edition...
so u can say i'm listening and groovin to lots of retro songs now... :P

i remember that night when u called me... asking me if i could go down to ur voiddeck bcoz of some pervertic uncle...

after TWO long years of not talking.. u finally called me... and we met up....

now...
are you really going to be that cruel?
and cast me out of ur memory...
as if i never existed before?

AH.. alrite, i know i'm dreaming....

meanwhile... i hope to be able to get my first car like really soon....
if only my parents would buy me one for my birthday... SIGH... :

i've been feeling so lethargic lately its worrying me...
every second i am at home i just lie down and fall asleep...

--
on a brighter note..i'm completing my driving lessons really soon.. and test date is in a mth... getting my license wld probably be my greatest bdae present.. though an even better present wld be if i had my own car.... nonetheless, my parents wld obviusly not get me one so i have to make do with my dad's car after i pass...

--
lately i like saw this really dream girl from afar...
she dresses decently, has a great smile, nice eyes, blahblahblah~
but ya obviously i'm just crushin on a stranger... (gosh, how old are u already)

--
alrite... bdae's soon..
since everybody whose bdae is coming does it...
here's my wish list:
1. ps3 rockband
2. a wallet
3. a new yamaha keyboard
4. new monitor speakers/a high class condensor mic
5. jazz piano lessons
6. aromatherapy oils
7. dumbbells
8. new street soccer boots
9. a spa session

and september is just a perfect month for birthdays isn't it:
happy early birthday to all september babies:
eugene, huiqing, huiying, michelle, yu nana...

birthday's coming. i'm old enough...
so here are a few goals i have decided to set for myself.

-----------------------------
a cap of at least 3.75 this semester.

to participate actively in at least one cca be it resonance or jazzclub...

to earn at least 1.2k a month....

to dilligently do my work and readings and revision and not leave things to last minute before exams start.

to pass my driving test on 9th october 2008.

to put in more effort to foster better r'ships with my existing friends...

the fireworks were splendid..
not even the rain could dampen my moods...
=)

-photos to come-

you know...
in every failed r'ship, both parties are at fault.

but when a r'ship fails and one party starts telling one sided complaints to loads of other people, thats when things go really wrong.

-----
i've been tryin to shed the "not serious, not faithful" tag that people have placed on me because of the stories they hear..
but this tag itself is not goin to disappear if i have ridiculous untrue stories circulating around me.

-----
my longest r'ship was 2 yrs.
i put my heart and soul in it.
i loved D. like crazy. but that r'ship made me realise how having simply just lots of love is not enough... but maintaining a r'ship requires so much more effort and compromise.
i spent a happy 1 yr r'ship with ynn. and we are still friends now. good friends in fact.
i had a wonderful start to university life with a wonderful girl of whom i spent and had beautiful memories with.
i'm still friends with lydia.

so really... i repeat.
when a r'ship goes wrong, two parties are at fault.
stop complaining to people around you who obviously are biased against me.
dont make me hate you.

meeting up with lydia today made me realise how we all change...
the things we talk about.. how we behave...
it has been 2 yrs...
and every thing i used to remember abt her.. like her fav drink, tel. number, fav pasttime, etc. seem to have all disappeared.
it was as if i was getting to know her all over again today...

its really cool meeting up with people whom you have lost touch with...
its through these people that you actually get to know how they, and yourself, have changed...

not worth a second look.

dont you think that the hectic busy life as a student/working personnel in singapore and technology in general have caused us not to be able to enjoy life to its fullest?

i've developed a habit recently. or rather, i've been wanting to this really badly.

turn on soothing music. something balladish or jazz..
switch off the lights.
light a candle.
put on some lavender aromatherapy oil
close my eyes.
and drink a glass of wine.
while busking in the beauty of my peaceful quiet room.

with nothing to bother me.
no one to answer to.
nobody to please.
with no expectations whatsoever...

hasn't a busy school life or the fact that we go online every single night been depriving us of such a beautiful relaxing moment at least once a week in our lifes?

would someone lead a simple day with me?
walk down the beach with the simplest outfits
no styling of hair no stress of what to wear
no caring of how bad you look in an oversized tee

would someone lead a simple life with me?
wake up the the sound of birds and having the least of worries
no hustling and bustling along the city streets
no pushing and shoving when the train transits.

would someone lead a simple life with me?
prepare a meal of just juice, and butter sandwich
we'll have a picnic with the butterflies and bees
with the scent of flowers in a cool gentle breeze.

would someone lead a simple life with me?
like old couples holding hands, like chlidren in love
we'll write love letters and smile to ourselves while reading
as if the world does not exist

would someone lead a simple life with me?
run down an empty road when cars cannot be seen
a friend in need is a friend indeed.
so would you lead this life with me?

i'm becoming angsty.

time to unwind.
stop teaching music.
stop being bothered by ridiculous people.
time to go for a jog
to sit by the beach, watch the stars.
to have a friend just sit beside me and listen.... not caring whatsoever about anything around us.

...


wldn't it be great?
if life was like that?

i could find someone i could walk with side by side.
someone i can trust
someone who loves me for me
someone who complements me

---

i hate liars really...
den again, who am i to hate liars when i myself lie?
i'm 22. going on 23 in exactly a month.
but why do i hate growing up?
i want to be carefree.
to be able to just take things easy.

i hate how i feel so nonchalant about r'ships.
i hate how i have lost faith in the freakin four letter L word called love.
love is patient love is kind.
i'm neither patient nor kind.

something is wrong with me
i'm angsty..
like really angsty.

cheering is obviously a temporal way of getting rid of the disappointment inside.
shouting your lungs out.
being absoutely high..
talking and making new friends in sheriff...

being part of the crowd in oweek itself, is a temporal escape frm what otherwise would be a painful moment alone at home.
the loud noises, the whistles, the smiles...
guides you away from the sadness and emptiness you feel inside.

talking nonstop, acting high, crapping, going crazy...
all these... narrows the gap between sanity, and insanity.

now i sit alone in front of the computer.
realising how i have escaped, what would have otherwise been, a horribly painful and depressing day.

school's reopening... and i'm beginning to feel the stress of things like timetable planning, deciding which modules to take, bidding, etc.

doesnt help that i have lots of other commitments like teaching my choir, carrying out vocal training at republic poly, teaching at music garage, teaching at home, etc...

been spending money like water recently... time to tighten up my purse strings...

3 more days to o week 2008.... hope i wont be too shi bai as an ogl... :|

oh man. eugene's leavin for shanghai for 6 mths...
no more sunday soccer challenge with him,
no more winning 11 formidable partnerships,
no more late night suppers and winning 11 sessions...

tts like damn sad la...
seems like frens around me are leaving singapore one by one...
even mike's planning to study overseas soon..

attached to my imeem player is a new song i recorded with eugene 2 days before his flight to shanghai...
remix ballad version of neyo's so sick of love songs :)
enjoy...

i need to get my license by 9/10/2008
and to do that
i have to pass all my components by 25/9/2008

which means. 2 mths frm now to complete all my lessons, theory lessons, etc.

someone pls motivate me :|

as i approach 23 years old, i realise that the worries that i have had over the years are gradually shifting its focus.

secondary school days were days where u worry that you aren't popular enough, or when you forget to bring the textbooks of the subject with the fiercest teacher in school, the fear of seeing your school teachers outside as you're out with your girlfriend, the worry of getting grounded by parents when you misbehave, etc.

jc days were less stressful, you grow to become more independet, but you worry about things like relationships, the big A levels, whether or not you are goin to make it to university, etc.

then came army days... where you worry about going into camp for an entire week, leaving behind your family and loved ones, where you worry about doing something wrong and getting your platoon into trouble, where you worry about offending your superiors, about not being able to take the tough trainings, etc.

then came pre university days, where you worry about not making friends in university, about starting on the wrong foot

and then come the period now, where i'm totally worried about my future, where i am going to end up after university...
whether or not i'll be able to support my parents (being the only child) when i grow up...
worries about signs of aging showing on my face, wrinkles, hair loss, aching bones...


and last but not least...
the true worry about not being able to find or feel true love anymore, after going through tonnes and ardous relationships throughout my 23 yrs alive.
not getting married, not getting a good job, the beer belly, the saggy eyebags...

i miss arts camp...
i miss shogun/sheesha..

one yr ago at arts camp i had her by my side.

its amazing how fast things change.
i'm 23.
i need to find a direction soon.

dssh.
i'll fly across the world just to see and talk to you once.

i miss u tat much.

---
[post shanghai blues]

i'm off to shanghai
wil be back on saturday, 31st may :) 1130pm.

guitar heroes with a close friend is fun...

and its just beautiful to haf frenships with no fears or obligations whatsoever...

:D



thanks HL!

its time to grow up..
watchin made of honour yesterday made me realise that one thing that has been eluding me all this while...

i've said this umptheen times... got into r'ships thinking it will last yadah yadah... but it has never ended de way i picture it to be initially...

as much as i'm not really all ready to settle down and stuff,
but its time i sit down and tell myself.

that the next girl i meet, will be the girl i would want to marry...

judge my personality only if you know who i am,
only if you ever attempted to be my friend,

not when u hear things abt me..
and draw conclusions from how my complicated love life is like...

zouk was fantastic...
it wasn't the club, nor the music.
but the company...
------
soccer was fantastic too.
played from 615 - 815pm n managed to score a couple of goals...
the most memorable being the one when i faked shot the conceited goalkeeper who was taunting shoot..

crazy antics.
ryan eugene and i decided to go down to east coast to play another round of soccer at 11pm...
scored a lot of goals!! i'm seriously surprised at my form.... nutmegged two defenders and struck a shot straight into the top corner from the side!....

soccer again proved to be like my downfall.
sprained ankle. out for definitely one week or more.
it hurt so much i felt tears...
i hardly could walk and the pain only subsided after applying ice on it....
reminded me of qing! called her immediately coz she sprained her ankle at MOS the last time...

aniwae...
i've been so busy i hardly haf time to sit down and properly check my mail or watch television....

changi airport wiv huilin huiqing and mike to send mike off...

and den...
finally some free time...
after such a long period of time..

did a recording recently...
rihanna's under my umbrella..
check out my imeem.. haha...
tryin to record my beatboxing into it too... but still quite bad...

zouk tmr!
cant wait.. :D

turnout for soccer today was great.
what felt best was the chance to continue scoring after that fantastic outing at bukit batok court...

took some time to get used to the small-ness of the court again... and to adapt to new teammates because ryan detong and i hardly play together with junhao and his friend... but when we finally got our rhythm, we won 3 consecutive games... although we eventually started losing... but what felt good was being able to score the winner in 4 games... not as fruitful as before, but 4 goals for me was once again one of my better outings compared to the past...!

had a fun bet with eugene..
dere's sth abt him that makes me feel like niao-ing him all the time...
we were supposed to compete like who scored more goals or sth.... so at the end of the 2nd last game, he scored 1, and i scored 4...
but in the last game when we were in de same team, he single handedly scored all 3 goals to end off the game.. putting his tally like on equal ground as me la..

sunday soccer details aside, i really think its one of the activities that are keeping us guys together... altitude... together with ppl like jav, marv, james.... which is a fantastic thing bcoz as we grow older in future we would still want to be keepin in touch wiv each other...

-----
haven had enough sleep since de end of exams...
MOS on the first night, followed by going out with qing on the second afternoon to see a doctor, and then meeting mike to meet his friends who are gg to shanghai with us at night, reached home at ard 1130pm, den i went out again for supper.... nxt morning i had to wake up at 9am to teach in music garage... taught from 10-4pm... and den i treated my advanced keyboard class to late lunch.. before rushing off to meet the guys to celebrate mike's and marv's bdae.... den dey came over, played winning 11 till past midnight... den mike and i went out to eat supper with huiqing, and den i slept at 4am.. woke up at 9am for soccer today.. blahblahblah~

burnt out.. exhausted...
would like to enjoy a free day soon...
but meanwhile, i have driving lessons tmr, followed by shopping with mike, and den meeting huiqing and huilin for a movie....

ah.. in a way, i absolutely love the feeling of liberation...
the feeling of being able to do anything i want, anytime, anyhow, everytime.

meanwhile,
shanghai in 2 wks...

i'm glad i found you..
but at the same time,
it may not be the best thing that can happen to me now.

i'm incoherent.
but whatever it is, i'm sincere.
and i know what i am thinking.
i just need to know what to do.

party here i come.
exam results can just eat itself.

things to do:
catch up with friends i haven been talking to
kbox
ice skating
soccer
gym
more movies
zouk MOS
ikea
write more songs
prepare for shanghai trip
eat sushi buffet
musicgarage

ah. i just love the feeling of liberation.

came across a huge loads of songs i recorded like 6 to 7 years back when i was younger in my old computer hard drive...

crazy how de songs i wrote about love was so simple and naive...
phrases like...
"wo yao zuo ni de wei yi"
"i love you with my heart, and soul"
"love is forever cause there's you and me"
yah yah yah...

surprising how my diction sounds better in the past as well....
and memories of singing with altitude floated back when i heard our old horrendous sounding mp3s...
not forgetting the mp3s of the double first prize i won in pjc talentime - both solo and group (one of my only times i joined a solo competition and had the guts to song)

okae. its ssa exams tmr. i shld be studying
but i cant sleep.
so many things running thru my mind...
sometimes i do hope that we could all be young and like kids again... then maybe i'll reshape the way i grew up.. and den i'll learn to treasure relatonships and friendships better than how i am handling things now...

i'm quite an ass actually... and its sad how i know, but i cant do anything to change the fact that i've alwys been an ass since i started my 3rd r'ship.

other than going to shanghai, i still want to go somewhere else..

maybe bangkok... perth... taiwan.. hongkong... just somewhere to enjoy during the 3 months holiday before i face hectic university life again..

and on top of tt... i still have so much to look forward to... music with jonathan... plans with mg to make more money performing, etc. writing songs.. blahblah...

anyway. so far there's me and another friend...
we're lookin for another girl and guy to go overseas too! or just anybody lah....... anyone wants to go? :P we are only young once... make more friends! :P

happy labour day everyone...
the day started off with eugene niao-ing me for not appearing for soccer, so because i felt bad, i climbed out of bed to go play soccer with the guys..

so many teams dere when i appeared so i got a bit sian diao bcoz usually when there are many teams u dont get to play a lot.... but what made my day was how my team consisting of james, felix, erry, me, marvin and yixuan single handedly beat every single team there consecutively...

and the most wonderful thing is how its one of the rare occasions whereby i actually scored 6 goals in 4 games... and even dribbling past opponents, etc..

maybe its the better diet plan, gym and the weight i've lost over the past few days because of the exam stress thats making me slightly more balanced and light-footed when i dribble and shoot...
but whatever it is... soccer was fun.... great teammates, great morale, but really bad weather...
seriously shld haf put on sunblock or sth.. coz after coming back my face feels flushed and like there's a sudden pimple breakout... urghs...

--------
james michael me and eugene sat down and had a talk about our pasts after soccer...
come to think about it, it has been like.... 6 to 7 years since we were last in rvhs together?... all the crazy things we would do... going to school super early just to walk around the corridor and past by the class of the girl you have a crush on, singing and dancing to backstreet boys during talentime, acting in dramas when we were in English LDDS (literary debating and drama society)
AH HAH.. i bet many of you dont even know i can act or debate... coz i look like some cheena ah beng =p

--------
on a side note, its 6pm now and time for me to hit my books.
one week exactly from now, i will be celebrating the end of my exams..... n thats something i really look forward to (even though right now, the way i'm going out, it seems like i dont even have exams anymore)

---------
a random thought came across my mind last night...

one important factor in life that keeps you going is your ambition and dream.
i have dreams of becoming a musician, a singer, songwriter, or at least a famous music producer and vocal teacher...

i have dreams of starting my own mini business in future, and eventually upgrading from a mini stall all the way to a bigger cafe with nice soothing romantic live music and a disco dance floor for couples to slow waltz their way after dinner....

i have dreams of forming an invincible acapella group and get invitations to tour around the world...

i have dreams of settling down and getting married to that one girl whom im willing to give up everything for... just because i am just crazily and madly in love with her.

all these dreams keep me looking forward to the future...
-----------

strange connections...

---
watched ironman today...
yes i know... my exams aren't over. but i still found myself not resisting the temptation of getting out of house...
great company... and absolutely fantastic movie..
watched the midnight show at westmall with huiqing huiling and mike...
i was really impressed by the story line and the humour...
and the parallels with other superhero stories, and witty conversations...

cant wait for the sequel...

---

is the weather hot or hot?
i've been tryin to save the environment and not switch on the aircon.. but i just cldn't help but switch it on...
its a vicious cycle isn't it.... greenhouse effect, global warming.... and bcoz of the weather, ppl will switch on the aircon and harm the environment even more, etc.

--

manchester united won!
woohoo. watched the game with ryan geri and detong... dey came over to my place...
and it was absolutely crazy i tell u..
we cldn't (or at least me and ryan) couldn't like stay in our seats during the last few minutes of the game....

i hope liverpool wins against chelsea tonight...
only bcoz
1) amongst us we have detong who is a liverpool supporter.. so we can niao each other if we watch it together
2) liverpool is weaker than chelsea =p

now its time to go to moscow.. and win the UCL finals! :)

if i could ask one question.
i would want to know...

if i am still the one you loved most throughout your entire life?

what else can be worse than..
1. not finishing my soci essay in time.
2. writing 2 pages instead of the recommended 4 pages for a 30 mark qn.
3. writing my soci essay like i'm writing a GP essay...

i think i'm just too used to writing GP essays.... or even secondary school compositions because i'm teaching english tuition...

and if i thought the day couldnt be worse...
i trudged to the next examination hall telling myself that i need to get an A for NM2101.
i was SO confident. i STUDIED for it.

and stupid questions like
"in dr park's lecture, his slide highlighted blahblahblah.. what are the..."
like who the hell cares abt his lecture. I STUDIED THE TEXTBOOK to great detail...

urghs...
and if i thought it couldnt get worse...
i finished a 2hr paper in 30 mins... twiddled and played around with my pen, drew cartoons on my paper... and den 10 mins before i decided to leave early, i decided to recheck my work, which i eventually changed FOUR answers.... out of which... all FOUR answers were changed from CORRECT to WRONG.

i'm so going to screw up this semester...
2 papers down... 3 to go...

and all i'm askin for now is not less than 2.8 or sth... maybe 2.9 is still fine.
------------------------------

i've been cultivating the habit of listening to online symphony 924 radio when i'm studying..
and i think it kind of helps...

gonna be going to shanghai after the exams with mike eugene and mike's frens...

and i feel like going to taiwan too..
suddenli holiday mood.
ani1 interested?

(cant believe i'm thinking of this while my sociology notes sit in front of me, dying for me to like absorb dem)

fjtd - imyal..

felt weird being driven around by a girl yesterday...
but ya, had fun though..

studied wiv huiqing after school ended at 6pm till 10pm. den we headed back to her place to get her car to drive to vivo to watch a midnight movie...
lots of crapping as usual.

bolelyn girl is actually a nice movie... i thought the trailer looked boring actually...
but apparently it rocked...
dere were themes of like incest inside as well...
and the rather hilarious part of the movie was when the king wanted to haf sex with the girl.. all he did was whisper in her ears "tonight"..."
and it was settled..

-----
disappointments. had a horrible saturday...
cant believe we're out of superband. just doesnt seem to sink in yet...

i need someone to guide me thru these exams...
studie with shuxian michael and a bit with huiqing todayy...
studyin makes me mad though... studied from 1pm to 11pm, with obvious long breaks in between though (knowing my superb attention span) ...

additional time in between was spent taking photos with shuxian
eating snacks, chattin.. headin down to the deck for lunch, dinner, etc.








i'm really reminded of ET when i look at this photo =p


and the suspense of whether or not we'll get in superband is killing me too...

before i forget, thanks to all MG people who headed down to support jenuine.. :) for those who stayed up to do the banner too.. guoxiong, shumin, lijun, and others i may not know :)

and for my keyboard students! peixin shumin! thanks for headin down :D
more photos to upload...

and more videos as well if we get into the final 16...
den again, i'm prepared for the worse .. considering how auditions weren't at all that impressive... :)

thanks for the support from everyone who has tagged and msged me though! :)

our auditions at Toa Payoh Hub... :) Shortlisted but waiting if we can be in the final 16... Nonetheless, regardless of whether we get in... it was fun...my first time beatboxing live, etc.
Pardon the NG in the front =)Presenting Jenuine.. :)

saw this long ago but since eugene just showed me another clip....
i think i ought to share this...

one word for this:
Respect :)

exams are coming
and i'm not doin anything abt it.

and i'm not even making plans.

this time last semester i was already worrying and planning to study.

talent quest 2008 has to be one of the most awfully organized competition i ever attended...
or maybe the fact that i was judging made me see all the flaws of both the organising committee, and how they made us judge...

results were shocking as well for people who were judging, and the audience...
but i saw so mani potential singers with so much love, creativity and passion for music...

was taking a walk around chinese garden after dinner myself just now when i saw a couple approaching me, laughing as they were feeding each other soya bean milk bought from the mr bean stall located at the chinese garden mrt station...

and i felt a something i couldn't describe...
a feeling that i dont remember ever feeling before...

a lot to type abt my day actually... but i'm lazy
so i'll just cut it short.

was hoping to see her today even if it was wiv her boyfren in MOS.. coz its an nus event.. so i thot she might be going..

and den i didnt
but i finally had some social life going on today..
made new frens...
met up wiv old sec1/2 fren zhifei, tgt with his 2 hall friends, michael's frens celeste and mel...
teaching music and tuition and studying is taking a toll on my social life..
not forgettin rehearsals for gigs, etc.
urgh

meanwhile... i just fell in love with this girl's voice..
tay kewei...
my fren tay kexin's elder sister..
n man.. she's good..
visit taykewei.blogspot.com to get what i'm tryin to say..
makes my music feel amateurish..

den again, we all love music...
i hope both kewei and kexin make it big! :)

p.s. pls vote for kexin in stardust
http://www.quaffs.com/events.php

spent the whole journey to school emo-ing to myself and listening to because of you
crazy how songs haf hidden meanings in their lyrics that seem deeper than on the surface...
-----
explored and helped huiqing create a profile for some yesnomayb.sg online dating website today in the library...
thought it was very funny.. haven laughed like that for some time... =p
and i never knew huiqing was fun to hang out with aniwae....

new tuition kid today..sec 4 china girl who needs help in english...
hope its goin to work out... coz she's rather weak...
but i believe she's goin to do fine under my guidance.. haha..

meanwhile... its a busy week ahead for me...

things to do:
nm2209 newsflash
nm2101 project
ssa project by sunday
rehearsals for performance on saturday/sunday

btw, i'm performing at talentquest finals... and judging the event as well...
so ppl who are goin down... do let me know :D

meanwhile...
i need some rest...
(without studying)

ah welll...

remember the knock on the window pane in the middle of the night...

how stupid of him..
anger rules over the mind.
it makes u warped.

he could have done something. but he didnt.
he just watched her walk away.

thats how life is isn't it?
he. she, we, i...
all make decisions in life that we can never rectify.
because time never waits.
and even simple things like the plate of chicken rice u've just eaten is history.

this banner on the bottom of my screen caught my attention..


seriously... ppl think of all ways to make money.

who would actually believe in this...

or maybe there might be...

but still, i thought i would share... :D

i'm worried for myself.
especially when i'm alone...

why do i behave like that alone...

in the process of creating my own proper home recording studio room..

finally converting my extra rm into a music rm...

despite the equipments, still feels like sth's missing... probably amps and guitars... just that i dont play em...



and i'm fallin ill.. horrendous cough, loads of phlegm, and runny nose.



meanwhile... i'm goin to continue to try and decorate the rm to make it look like a real mini studio :D



and den i can probably open it up to do some small recording business as well =D

bad habit that requires instant justification:

i shall, will stop betting on random soccer matches for the sake of getting a random highness.
gambling is not good.
so i should stop gambling.

haha...
bet mani of u never ever think i gamble...

OH WELL.. just for de fun of it..
but i shld stop now..

i hope things turn for the better.

so many movie-like images running through my mind..
and i'm awake at 4am. there it goes.

was watching xing guang da dao...



beautiful melodies,

heartfelt lyrics,



thats what the beauty of music is about...



my dream is:

to one day influence people with my music.



and until that day comes, i hope anyone or everyone or someone would give me the support...

and my hair now was supposed to look like this..

whatever happened! haha..

so now there's a problem with me updating my blog
a problem with me going out.
superb.
whats wrong with not wanting to blog about private stuffs?
whats wrong with blogging about daily happenings?
whats wrong with blogging when i feel like it?
blardy bullcrap
------

dinner with michael at delifrance today..
had a nice interesting talk..
sometimes it feels good just sitting down having some guy to guy talk...

especially at times when i just know that
NOBODY understands me.

stupid test for ss and nm's over.
nm wasn't tt bad. but tell u, ss was ridiculous.

qn 1 linked to 2, linked to 3, linked to 4.
so if u dint noe qn1, say bye to qn2, qn3, and den qn4.
and being so intelligent, i actually didnt noe how to do qn1, so dere goes my marks for qn 2, 3 and 4.

what the hell is environment possiblism?
it doesnt even sound right... sounds gramatically wrong...
and despite reading my textbook, i dont even remember coming across such a term...

so dere it goes. i spent the whole of my test time making up an answer actually. .and my answer went like that:

environmental possibilism is the likelihood for man to create an alternatively eco-friendly landscape with the usage of nature inspired greenery in order to inadvertently prevent the city from becoming in a bad state of pollution.
sounds good huh?
bt guess wad, its just bullcrap.. haha... rubbish.
i bet the marker would laugh her head off when she reads that...

with the cheem-ilogy terms in order to pretend as if i noe wad it is.. :S

okay. i'm still at the library now.... and i'm relieved at least dat nm and ss's over.
and so it goes. my school day is frm 8am till 6pm today. and i'm generally exhausted already, tohugh its only 1145am.. .:

in the rapid modernization of our city state Singapore and advancement of technology, i have suddenly grown to notice how we have been ...

1. gradually influenced by Western culture
2. due to exhorbitant pub prices, seemingly not enjoying the finest things in life such as wine and music..
3. been spending hours on the computer not doing anything much instead of perhaps strolling along the beach with your loved one

random thoughts have led me to thinking the following...

1. i would like to spend a week away from the west, and perhaps residing in the East just so that i can tell people i know Singapore from the west to the east.

2. i would like to be sipping wine and listening to live soothing jazz or instrumental music in a pub without having to worry about wasting money or stuffs... everyday.... not worryin abt catching the last train home, last bus, or whatever...

3. i would like to start writing pen-letters to friends instead of the regular hi bye conversations online.

4. i would like to make my first 20k by the end of the year 2008.

which reminds me as i'm typing this...
i've sort of fallen in love with symphony 92.4 again all of a sudden. the last time i actually enjoyed such music was during my A levels... the wonderful melodies of the strings, the chords from the piano, the orchestra playing in free flow time.... its a good break away from pop/mainstream music really.... its always good to be exposed to various music...

and also, watched Spiderwick Chronicles with my parents, cousin, qiling and denise yesterday... it was some sneak preview and company event Cisco, so we got to watch it for free...

Movie's rather nice actually.. though i guess the way it ended probably meant that there wld't be much room for a sequel..
here's some photos...





























----------
on a sucky note, down to new media and singapore studies exams. how do i even study for back to back exams from 8-10 and den 10-12.. my brain can only keep one set of subject in within a day.

"its alright, i'm intelligent. i'll make it", mutters John to himself..

1. i'm absolutely uncomfortable about how the JI member escaped the detention centre with ease,and how he is free now and able to plot activities against Singapore.

2. i'm absolutely exhausted from teaching, studying, and just thinking.

3. i'm absolutely clueless if superband with an acappella group is more powerful, or an acoustic F.I.R. style kind of band with a girl as one of de singers.

je library at 12..
was supposed to meet hsin at 10... but i just knew she wldn't go...
studied at the cafe till 5pm until i had to go home to teach vocals...

was super hungry and tired when i reached home though.... but vocal lessons always wake me up... i have a big interest in changing ppl's voices.... saw some significant improvement in my student ryan's voice.. which is always pleasing for a vocal instructor...

played mj wiv nana and dets after tt.... 3 leg for the first time after a long lay off.... played till 12midnight den both of dem rushed off for the last bus.. super hilarious coz both of dem were rushing to the bus stop, and dey both managed to catch their respective last buses..

realised i had an nm test when sch reopened. andi NEVER knew actually.. i keep thinking i only had SS test to study for...
thats for skippin lectures/webcast i guess....super lucky coz jiayang mentioned it... or i presume i wld haf just gone for the test totally unprepared..

which actually brings about the point that despite 5 hours of studyin in je library today, i'm still pretty much screwed bcoz i haven studied much for either NM2209, nor SSA landscapes...

May i be blessed with good results without studying.
Or maybe i can develop photographic memories in like one night.
or mebbe i shld just swallow my notes.

AHWELL..
de blardy wireless keyboard is irritting me...i keep seeing missing alphabets in the things i type... ARGH.
SERIOUSLY... :|

happy leap year...

in case u didnt noe, its the only february in 4 years that there's a 29th. and its happening right now.
leap years are meant to be spent with someone special... so treasure your leap year... :)

project meeting at 11.
used music garage as our project venue... realised the rooms are actually superb for such meetings or studying, etc..... so if anyone wanna find out more u can visit www.musicgarage.com.sg =p

was plannin to go home after project.
but had a totally unplanned meeting with nana...
wad coincidence. she wanted to study. and she was near bugis when she called me, and i coincidentally wanted to study and was at bugis.... :| i love unplanned coincidental outings...

had lunch at V8.. where we decided that maybe studying wasn't a gd option at all.. so we shopped around for her frens bdae present until she had to meet her boyfren...

not wanting to be idling around at home, i came home, and super hastily decided to watch soccer myself at chuachukang stadium. so there i went, all alone, with a ticket in hand to catch the SAF vs Geylang game...

-------
had a lot of random thoughts today esp when sab sent me the sms when she was at vivo....
and also thoughts like....

would you be attracted to a charismatic guy who's like absolutely not good looking?
or a good looking guy who's absolutely not charismatic?

or thoughts like

do girls always expect guys to pay for them?
does not paying for a girl during the first date mean you are ungentlemanly?
is money important when a girl looks for a potential husband?

a new video i just did of lin jun jie's super nice new song =)

just came back from detong's bdae celebrations...
thanks a million for the treat dets! =) we all enjoyed ourselves :)
and hope u liked the guitar hero!

talkin abt detong, and since i cant sleep, maybe i shall do a little gay thing n dedicate a short paragraph towards this fren here of like.....6-7 years? :)

mr S.N.A.G, my winning 11 nemesis, the one i can hardly beat...
thanks for always giving mi certain words of wisdoms and encouragement during bad times... for constantly allowing yourself to be the target of abuse among us guys at times, for organizing outings for us, and steamboats, soccer...
it has been great years of friendship, mahjong, soccer, winning 11 online, offline, etc.
i apologize for any abuse i have hurled at you at some times =p but it really has been great being friends, and watching us grow from boys to men =) having serious guy to guy talks at times, both online and in person.... talks about our future, our future wifes, etc.

happy birthday detong! may ur wishes come true! :)

the last time i actually wrote "dedications" and "paragraphs" on blogs was like years back in secondary school... brings back memories somehow...

aniwae. we had a great dinner treat today... chilli crab, cereal prawns, lots of meat, tofu and vegetables... and not forgettin a fun time at settlers....
before jav, eug, ryan, detong and i headed down to CHIJMES to catch the Chelsea Tottenham carling cup finals....
had nice little talks and debates on r'ships n stuff.... which kind of evoked a lot of thoughts within me.... everything about who i am as a person, where i stand as a boyfriend during relationships, where i stand as a friend when i am in a r'ship, and how i am and behave when i am not in a relationship, so on so forth...

maybe i do give the impression that i do not care at times... and that i'm a very shui bian anyhow person in r'ships... but i think thats a personality i put in front of others just because i never ever want people to know how i feel,
never ever want people to see me as the guy who cries thinking at night, who is able to stare at the ceiling without getting a wink reflecting on things,
without ever thinking that in not wanting people to know how i feel, i actually do hurt others with my brutal insensitive heck-care attitude

maybe i really am an insensitive ass of some sort....

so much to think abt, so much to ponder...
i guess i'm still learning to be a better person each day....

in the process of learning how to control my temper, to put down my ego more often, to treasure people i have around me, to be more tolerant, to never ever leave a girl alone stranded after a quarrel, to watch my words and actions...

till then, its back to my books i guess... preparing for mid terms somehow... project deadlines... etc.

photos will be posted up soon =)

i feel disattached from school...and despite finding myself with free time at night, i often feel like i have too little time for myself...

5 two-hour webbased lectures i have not watched (because i skipped actual lectures),
projects undone,
a singapore study module mid term exam coming up in one week,
driving lessons to learn and final theory to study,
keyboard and vocal lessons to teach two times a week,
once a fortnight lessons at republic polytechnic,
couple of private students to teach on the rest of my free days,
constantly procrastinated visits to the gym due since 2 wks ago,
song recordings not done,
compositions halfwritten...

its amazing how 24 hours a day seem not enough... on top of that, i have friends i have not caught up with... the guys, close frens like mellissa, kirana and others i havent seen for ages

plus did i actually every mention that i'm beginning to feel the effects of aging... i'm just 22, 23 this yr, but my body seems to be taking a longer time than usual to recover from lack of sleep, bad skin without regular masks, wrinkles appearing here and there, a beer belly, back aches... gdness me... whats happening seriously?

which reminds me... i've always wanted to test out blogger's video upload tools... so here's an overdue video of SMU's virtuoso singing competition, in which charles and i won champions... Singing Robbie Willians, Angels... here's the video =)



meanwhile,
resolutions for the rest of the months:
study,
drive,
have fun,
get fit,
write a fast song,
stop procrastinatin,
get my life up and active again,
stop eating instant noodles lest i lose all my hair,
get a REGULAR income of say $1000 at least by the end of the year.

Hopefully the new template would inspire me to blog more =)

here's a new addition to my youtube videos...
a song that i wrote...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2icVWgYP-S4

disclaimer: it sounds emo, but it doesnt exactly mean i'm feeling this way now... its just a song =) with a true story attached behind it of course.. and it doesn't necessarily mean i'm still sad and emotional over that phase of my life...

rate it and leave comments... and email me if you would like the mp3 clip... :)

havent really got into sync with school yet.
still in the "skippin lecture" mood..
skipped like two lectures last week because there was a webcast on the internet for the lecture...
then i told myself that i got to do it by this wkend.. and what? its sunday now and i haven't even gone close to watching the lectures online..

tutorials start this week.
which means farewell to slack and relaxing nights where i can just sit and surf around...
got a miserable 3.2/5 for my first sem, so this semeester is probably the time for me to raise my CAP a little...

speaking of which.
I just lost 200 bucks.
okay. i didnt exactly lose it... but we got offers for a gig this tuesday, and its 200 per person for just 25 mins of singing...
and i have school!! :(

and i miss singing with kukrusann really...
the whole harmony and acappella fun...

taught a lot of keyboards and vocals this week...and i'm gettin a little exhausted actually...
worrying too much abt studies somehow...

oh ya, i got a new computer monitor... a super nice 22 inch wide screen samsung screen.. now my LCD tv and LCD screen are both glossy samsung models! :) wee...

alrite.. meanwhile...
i'm goin to watch the 2nd half of manchester united and tottenham.
go MANCHESTER UNITED! go red devils! :)

i'm still here. just been getting a bit tired of updating.. (not like i've been updating a lot)

significant things that has happened:

SMU Virtuoso singing competition. Won first with charles.... really fun performing on stage and making good music...

royal caribbean cruise :) the beauty of an american cruise that travels to singapore only a few times a year.... great ship, great company, great stopovers at phuket and langkawi....will post photos up soon when i'm free...

christmas celebrations... not exactly the most ideal christmas eve spent... detong is yet to update and upload the photos from his camera. and we doubt he would in the next couple of months.
for the first time in many years, i actually bought presents for my parents. took photos with them and surprised them wiv photo frames that says "i love mum" "i love dad".... and of course buying them bird's nest, etc.

new yr celebrations... fireworks, then watchin AVP, and then eating supper which probably led to the most excruciating painful 2008.
falling sick for the whole first 5 days of 2008 with a bout of severe food poisoning that has led to a loss of 4kg in 5 days...

school's starting in a couple of days...
been tryin to fit in a 3 day timetable.... and i've so far succeeded... which gives me 2 days a week to be working.... which doesn't sound exactly like a bad thing at all... more work, more $$.. which also means less time to study, more fatigue...etc.

somehow i cant wait for school to start.
maybe i should make new friends in university.. i'm beginning to feel rather lonerish.