We all live only once...

birthday's coming. i'm old enough...
so here are a few goals i have decided to set for myself.

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a cap of at least 3.75 this semester.

to participate actively in at least one cca be it resonance or jazzclub...

to earn at least 1.2k a month....

to dilligently do my work and readings and revision and not leave things to last minute before exams start.

to pass my driving test on 9th october 2008.

to put in more effort to foster better r'ships with my existing friends...

the fireworks were splendid..
not even the rain could dampen my moods...
=)

-photos to come-

you know...
in every failed r'ship, both parties are at fault.

but when a r'ship fails and one party starts telling one sided complaints to loads of other people, thats when things go really wrong.

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i've been tryin to shed the "not serious, not faithful" tag that people have placed on me because of the stories they hear..
but this tag itself is not goin to disappear if i have ridiculous untrue stories circulating around me.

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my longest r'ship was 2 yrs.
i put my heart and soul in it.
i loved D. like crazy. but that r'ship made me realise how having simply just lots of love is not enough... but maintaining a r'ship requires so much more effort and compromise.
i spent a happy 1 yr r'ship with ynn. and we are still friends now. good friends in fact.
i had a wonderful start to university life with a wonderful girl of whom i spent and had beautiful memories with.
i'm still friends with lydia.

so really... i repeat.
when a r'ship goes wrong, two parties are at fault.
stop complaining to people around you who obviously are biased against me.
dont make me hate you.

meeting up with lydia today made me realise how we all change...
the things we talk about.. how we behave...
it has been 2 yrs...
and every thing i used to remember abt her.. like her fav drink, tel. number, fav pasttime, etc. seem to have all disappeared.
it was as if i was getting to know her all over again today...

its really cool meeting up with people whom you have lost touch with...
its through these people that you actually get to know how they, and yourself, have changed...

not worth a second look.

dont you think that the hectic busy life as a student/working personnel in singapore and technology in general have caused us not to be able to enjoy life to its fullest?

i've developed a habit recently. or rather, i've been wanting to this really badly.

turn on soothing music. something balladish or jazz..
switch off the lights.
light a candle.
put on some lavender aromatherapy oil
close my eyes.
and drink a glass of wine.
while busking in the beauty of my peaceful quiet room.

with nothing to bother me.
no one to answer to.
nobody to please.
with no expectations whatsoever...

hasn't a busy school life or the fact that we go online every single night been depriving us of such a beautiful relaxing moment at least once a week in our lifes?

would someone lead a simple day with me?
walk down the beach with the simplest outfits
no styling of hair no stress of what to wear
no caring of how bad you look in an oversized tee

would someone lead a simple life with me?
wake up the the sound of birds and having the least of worries
no hustling and bustling along the city streets
no pushing and shoving when the train transits.

would someone lead a simple life with me?
prepare a meal of just juice, and butter sandwich
we'll have a picnic with the butterflies and bees
with the scent of flowers in a cool gentle breeze.

would someone lead a simple life with me?
like old couples holding hands, like chlidren in love
we'll write love letters and smile to ourselves while reading
as if the world does not exist

would someone lead a simple life with me?
run down an empty road when cars cannot be seen
a friend in need is a friend indeed.
so would you lead this life with me?

i'm becoming angsty.

time to unwind.
stop teaching music.
stop being bothered by ridiculous people.
time to go for a jog
to sit by the beach, watch the stars.
to have a friend just sit beside me and listen.... not caring whatsoever about anything around us.

...


wldn't it be great?
if life was like that?

i could find someone i could walk with side by side.
someone i can trust
someone who loves me for me
someone who complements me

---

i hate liars really...
den again, who am i to hate liars when i myself lie?
i'm 22. going on 23 in exactly a month.
but why do i hate growing up?
i want to be carefree.
to be able to just take things easy.

i hate how i feel so nonchalant about r'ships.
i hate how i have lost faith in the freakin four letter L word called love.
love is patient love is kind.
i'm neither patient nor kind.

something is wrong with me
i'm angsty..
like really angsty.

cheering is obviously a temporal way of getting rid of the disappointment inside.
shouting your lungs out.
being absoutely high..
talking and making new friends in sheriff...

being part of the crowd in oweek itself, is a temporal escape frm what otherwise would be a painful moment alone at home.
the loud noises, the whistles, the smiles...
guides you away from the sadness and emptiness you feel inside.

talking nonstop, acting high, crapping, going crazy...
all these... narrows the gap between sanity, and insanity.

now i sit alone in front of the computer.
realising how i have escaped, what would have otherwise been, a horribly painful and depressing day.