We all live only once...

doing a friend a favour...
this blog shop has been set up for quite long and she'll also be selling clothes in NUS science faculty in the 2nd of March 2009.

Visit:

http://theclosetlover.livejournal.com

i hardly have time to do anything i want.

my mondays are like 12 hours in school...
my tuesdays, wed, and friday afternoons blocked off to teach my choir.
and my thursdays end at 7pm.

my saturdays are blocked off now too.
and on sundays i have soccer in the morning, and the remainder of the day to complete my accumulated work all over the week.

in the midst of all this hustle and bustle, i still found time to keep you in my thoughts... but all these are unappreciated. i know u'll rather not have me think of you.

someone give me more time.
32 hours a day will do.

despite my interest in choir...
i'm actually contemplating quitting...

the school administration is driving me nuts
nobody's getting anything done
and they're just pushing the entire responsibility on me.

plus my choir kids aren't really ready...
i know they aren't...
and many of them aren't even putting in the slightest bit of effort...

maybe i'm just a horrid conductor. a bad instructor.
urghs.

tears are flowing non stop now.

and i don't know whats wrong.
it must be an entire spade of events.

i hate the way my family has zero communication
at how we can sit silently and have dinner and say nothing to each other.
i try .
i try to be nice and communicate.
but no.
it never works.

from today. i'm goin to earn at least 3000 a month.
i don't care how.
i'm goin to work like crazy.
den i'll move out of this damn house.

i try really hard not to think of her.
trust me. i'm trying.

VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING.

Ever wanted to record a song and come up with your own CD?

i'll be offering a recording package for those who would like to record an mp3 for their loved ones... burn the song into a CD and attach them to the gift you are about to give him/her .

Sing your boyfriend's or girlfriend's favourite songs, or the songs that mean most to you two during courtship. .

Play your own instruments, write your own songs for your loved ones. .

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Friends who are reading this now.. please help spread the word around in your blogs! :)

i don't want school to start.
because now i would haf to shuffle between lectures, tutorials, teachin vocal lessons, teaching choir, teaching keyboard, and social life.

(not like i've been getting much of a social life)

this blog's getting too emo for my own good.
since its 2009, i have decided that i should set a few resolutions of my own

so here it goes
1. i aim to get a CAP of 4.00 this semester. this means at least a B+ for all my modules.

2. i shall start sleeping by 12 midnight and waking up by 830am to prevent further aging and destruction to my already fragile and old body.

3. i'm going to be a lot more serious in everything i do. this means putting in 110% to music, to studies, to friends, to performing

4. i'm goin to be a little more spontaneous. instead of dwelling and sobbing at home, i'm going to say yes more often to invitations out for parties, or old gatherings.l

5. i will, and must lose 10% of my body weight by june. partly because i want to look better, but most importantly because the module i took last semester has highlighted all the negative effects of obesity.

6. i will start saving and stop gambling on soccer. time to plan for my future.. i want to be a rich bachelor. not a poor pathetic one.

i've come to the age whereby i'm more sure abt what i want..

i regret my past.
i regret getting into numerous playful and non-lasting relationships.

but my heart has space for only one person now.
and i've never felt like this for a long time.

it just took me one minute to be sure of myself...

now all i need is a little courage.
and a chance.
and time.

i'll promise and give you things i never could in the past.
listen to me would you?

listen...

i know i want to spend the rest of my life with you.
i've never been more sure.

i've always been telling u that i'm here for you. that i constantly keep you in my prayers...
but fact is, i always wanted to be more than just a person who would "be there when necessary"..

if you won't love me tomorrow, at least love me today
would you?

you replied.
finally.
thank you...

sometimes we fall for people that we know we aren't supposed to.

its wrong. yes. but it happens.

being attached is not a must, nor a need.
its a long, thoughtful process...

and finally.
all you've got to do is follow your heart.

my grandfather is a good man.
he would never hesitate to help anyone in need,
be it his cousins, siblings, friends, or a stranger he hardly knows..
he always lent a helping hand to others,
when he was young, he used to treat the maids very well,
the foreign workers in his office,
he gave them money whenever he could.
its not like he had to,
but he did, thats my grandfather for you.

when i was young, he used to talk to me with a glass of tiger beer in his hand,
telling me about his past, about war, about peace,
i remember primary school days where he often sneaked me money to buy my favourite ice cream.
and how he used to talk to me about being a "nan zi han"
about studying hard and being a good boy.
yet his words didn't mean much to me when i was young...

just a year back, i looked at him and his health worsen.
he had to amputate his leg because of diabetes,
and he lay on bed all the time, refusing to get out.
but yet, each and every time i went back to visit him,
he always could find the energy to smile...

then it got worse.
he eventually started to forget the people around him.
but on the days that he could remember me, he held my hand, and said "ah john... guai sun (good grandson)"...

then in a matter of days i watched his health get worse.
he eventually lost the ability to speak.
words came out the way words would come out frm a baby...
he often tries to talk, but nobody could understand him.

but still, i can never forget that smile whenever i visited him.

just 3 days ago, i watched him lying in the hospital bed.
he never blinked.
he never closed his eyes.
he couldn't move much.
all he could do was nod his head...
yet when i told him i was leaving to school, and when i said bye,
he could nod his head. he cld listen...

2 days back,
i watched him lying in bed.
he never blinked.
he never closed his eyes.
he haven't eaten for days.

and it occured to me.
he didn't dare blink.
he didn't dare close his eyes.
because he didn't want to leave us.

i miss you grandpa.
i really do.

as i grew older, i stopped talking to you as much.
i don't even remember ever telling you that i love you.
i often feel that some words are better left unsaid.
but as i saw you a minute after u passed away on the hospital bed.
i broke down.
images flashed past me.
about how you would talk to me when i was younger
about how you would smile whenever i visited you.

i remember you fetching me in your van when i was a young boy.
i remember how you loved eating taukwas

when i visited you in the hospital,
i didnt' think i would cry.
i knew you would leave some day.
i thought i was prepared..

but when i saw you breathe your last breath, and as i walked past the coffin just now and took a look inside.
there i saw you..

and that smile you often gave when i visited you flashed back to me.

things wouldn't be the same without you.
now i'll visit grandma, and i wouldn't step into your room to say hello to you anymore.

but i know...
grandpa is a good man.
and he's in heaven now.
watching over me, and the family.

i love you gong gong...

quoted from a divorced mother of 2

The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.

---

ironic isn't it?
but sounds true..

you used to tell me how much i suck.
i just refused to listen.

ah. i love my new camera...!
okay, i realise i have a nice camera and shldn't haf bought a new one.. SO YES
i'm selling my SONY T-10 CAMERA. so if u all haf frens who want it! let me know! i'm like planning to let go of it at like 100 bucks.

and its STYLISH. so its worth the money

back to my new camera..
its a 14.7 megapixel camera with HD quality videos! which means! i can take videos when i move around nxt time. more photos of my choir, of my performances, of things i find interesting on the go...!

take a look at it!!
the samsung NV100HD...
http://www.letsgodigital.org/en/19437/samsung-nv100hd/

exams.
can't wait for it to be over...

when i'm 50,
i know i'll still have you on my mind.

a part of me disappears each time i try to go against myself.
but i wld love to make a change...

i just realised the impact of the recession.
never thought it would be affecting my family or whatever...

but i guess my dad bought lots of bonds n shares n stuff..
so lets just hope we tide thru this recession.

Exams are coming.
Deadlines to meet.
I'm dying.

And it doesn't help that i'm in NM2220 tutorials now idling my time away.

My cousin wants me to type that i'm glad she's in my life.
so ya. there it goes.
she's like my only form of entertainment now in tutorials.

not like i really want such a form of entertainment.

i hope she rots.

I LOVE DRIVING! :P
haha...
though it wld be great to have a car of my own... :

it got to be somewhere out there,
and all i need to do is to find it...

MAMMA MIA...!
this movie is fantastic.
and i watched it two times on two consecutive days....
once with qing
and the other time with my parents...

bought the soundtrack too!
and digged my old CDs for the ABBA gold edition...
so u can say i'm listening and groovin to lots of retro songs now... :P

i remember that night when u called me... asking me if i could go down to ur voiddeck bcoz of some pervertic uncle...

after TWO long years of not talking.. u finally called me... and we met up....

now...
are you really going to be that cruel?
and cast me out of ur memory...
as if i never existed before?