We all live only once...

you replied.
finally.
thank you...

sometimes we fall for people that we know we aren't supposed to.

its wrong. yes. but it happens.

being attached is not a must, nor a need.
its a long, thoughtful process...

and finally.
all you've got to do is follow your heart.

my grandfather is a good man.
he would never hesitate to help anyone in need,
be it his cousins, siblings, friends, or a stranger he hardly knows..
he always lent a helping hand to others,
when he was young, he used to treat the maids very well,
the foreign workers in his office,
he gave them money whenever he could.
its not like he had to,
but he did, thats my grandfather for you.

when i was young, he used to talk to me with a glass of tiger beer in his hand,
telling me about his past, about war, about peace,
i remember primary school days where he often sneaked me money to buy my favourite ice cream.
and how he used to talk to me about being a "nan zi han"
about studying hard and being a good boy.
yet his words didn't mean much to me when i was young...

just a year back, i looked at him and his health worsen.
he had to amputate his leg because of diabetes,
and he lay on bed all the time, refusing to get out.
but yet, each and every time i went back to visit him,
he always could find the energy to smile...

then it got worse.
he eventually started to forget the people around him.
but on the days that he could remember me, he held my hand, and said "ah john... guai sun (good grandson)"...

then in a matter of days i watched his health get worse.
he eventually lost the ability to speak.
words came out the way words would come out frm a baby...
he often tries to talk, but nobody could understand him.

but still, i can never forget that smile whenever i visited him.

just 3 days ago, i watched him lying in the hospital bed.
he never blinked.
he never closed his eyes.
he couldn't move much.
all he could do was nod his head...
yet when i told him i was leaving to school, and when i said bye,
he could nod his head. he cld listen...

2 days back,
i watched him lying in bed.
he never blinked.
he never closed his eyes.
he haven't eaten for days.

and it occured to me.
he didn't dare blink.
he didn't dare close his eyes.
because he didn't want to leave us.

i miss you grandpa.
i really do.

as i grew older, i stopped talking to you as much.
i don't even remember ever telling you that i love you.
i often feel that some words are better left unsaid.
but as i saw you a minute after u passed away on the hospital bed.
i broke down.
images flashed past me.
about how you would talk to me when i was younger
about how you would smile whenever i visited you.

i remember you fetching me in your van when i was a young boy.
i remember how you loved eating taukwas

when i visited you in the hospital,
i didnt' think i would cry.
i knew you would leave some day.
i thought i was prepared..

but when i saw you breathe your last breath, and as i walked past the coffin just now and took a look inside.
there i saw you..

and that smile you often gave when i visited you flashed back to me.

things wouldn't be the same without you.
now i'll visit grandma, and i wouldn't step into your room to say hello to you anymore.

but i know...
grandpa is a good man.
and he's in heaven now.
watching over me, and the family.

i love you gong gong...

quoted from a divorced mother of 2

The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.

---

ironic isn't it?
but sounds true..

you used to tell me how much i suck.
i just refused to listen.