We all live only once...

sprained my ankle durin sit test. fell into a deep trench... though i dislocated my ankle or sth coz it hurt like mad.
de stars in de night sky was superbly beautiful. it was just mesmerizing lookin into de nite sky. was sneakin far deep into de forest wiv ricky to use our hps (hps are banned btw)... when i looked up n saw de wonderful view. one person came to mind immediately. yea. called her. but ended up blabbering nonsense like "hey, de sky's realli nice. n i dunno y i called u either... so yup, bye?"

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booked out.
went out todae wiv mike for mdc auditions. audition sucked.
trust me.
i think i'm an averagely poor singer and a mediocre lousy songwriter... argh.

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went northpoint to eat wiv mike.
den met jiahui eliza cam and maryann for a walk round town.
den met ryan n detong for dinner .. ate breeks. haha... i think de beef bowl is quite nice..

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i bought a plant frm town todae.. its supposed to grow within 14 days n words r supposed to be seen on its seed or sth...
i wonder when i'll get de chance to gif dis plant to her to grow. hahx.. mebbe forever never i guess..

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i want to let her noe i like her. can sum1 tell me how? coz 1) i'm scared of rejection. 2) its a 90% chance tt she wldnt like me back. 3) i cannot imagine losing a fren like her if she rejects me.
sumbody help?...
i feel so lost. lonely. n confused all of a sudden..

u're de onli ger who can make me feel tis way.

watched house of wax wiv ki todae.
been sum time since i last caught up wiv her...
was glad to be able to catch up wiv life n stuff =)

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i can finally smile myself to sleep todae.
just got home...
watched house of wax a 2nd time.. this time via dvd....
i realli had a wonderful night..
however, as much as i tried my best to enjoy myself, i realised that i was gettin into a situation...
a situation whereby i would be at the happiest during de 3 hrs
but when i'm on my way home, i'll crash back to reality, and i'll be sadder than before..

it was almost as though i was re-living my past...
talking to her, watchin tv, talkin to her sis, etc.

i miss her a lot. den again, so mani other ppl misses her n likes her.
i'm nowhere near her league.

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perhaps i need sum time alone.
i was happier by at least ten times frm wad i was. now i'm twice as sad.

was browsing thru my bulletins on frenster when i saw this...
kinda touching, kinda applies to me to a certain extent..
den again....i don think this kinda thing will ever happen to me...


Are u tt someone in somebOdy hearts?
BOY: I saw her today
GIRL: I saw him today

BOY: It seems like its been forever
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares

BOY: She looks better than before
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him

BOY: I asked her how things were going
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend

BOY: I'd choose her over any girl im with
GIRL: He's probablly really happy right now

BOY: I couldnt look at her without starting tocry
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me

BOY: I told her I miss her
GIRL: He doesnt mean it

BOY: I meant it
GIRL: He didnt mean it

BOY: I love her
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend

BOY: I held her for the last time
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug

BOY: Then I went home and cried
GIRL: Then I went home and cried

BOY: I lost her
GIRL: I still love him

got to book out on fridae this wk. thanks to sir... he actualli gave me an off pass to go back to pjc's speech day... how nice...
aniwae.. had range this wk... had sum weird premonition dat i was going to die...(maybe my buddy will misfire n fire at me, or de magazine is damaged n de bullets will just explode on me, blahblahblah) so i msged mel n started talkin abt dying... n de 3 things i want her to do for me if i realli do die..

i realised sumhow that... if we all realli do die... there would be so mani things we regret not doing...
for me, it will be not being nice enuf to my family, not tellin her i love her, not spending enuf time nurturing my talents in music, etc...

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aniwae. range is over. i fired a pathetic 1/16 for my night shots. i'm totally blind at night. fortunately got a 15/16 for day shots... whewx...

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had soccer wiv de guys todae. supposed to plae at bb but de court was occupied, so we went fuhua.... yeaps, but there were too mani ppl, so after a few matches we went to de other court at jurong...
soccer's realli fun... wads more fun is catchin up wiv ryan, detz, mike, clement,james, jav, marvin n eugene... hahx... i think spending time wiv dem always cheers me up sumhow.. takes my mind off things...

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i'm sick now. fever of 39 degrees. its weird. my immune system seems to be down. as in, totally non-existent...
n sumtimes i realli do feel as though nobody cares.. :

oh well..thats life...

somehow cldn't sleep laz nite...
kind of regretted not going chinablack wiv bob, seb and aaron...
den again, i'm not the clubbin kinda person..
they wanted to go there to pick up girls... n i'm goin dere for a totally different reason..

she was there... her fren's bdae..
n gee... gotta admit i was a little worried... coz clubbin's chaotic n full of pervertic ppl... :
but well...
i did wad a fren wld do...
cldn't sleep so i stayed up watchin dvds at home until she called me to tell mi she was home..

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nv expected her to call me though..
thot she wld forget.. so when i received her call at 6am.. i was urm... too happy to sleep?
hahax...

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supposed to book in camp todae.... but i have a tea session wiv NIE NTU tmr...
got to call 2nd lt marko to let him noe..
but i dun haf his number
urghx..

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i miss soccer. i miss singing...
kbox todae wiv yinky n sheree was baddd.... its almost as though my vocal chords are punctured coz every deep breath i take i start coughing madly... :

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sighx.
i'm feelin lost.
alone.

it has been a long time since i done sth swt to ani1...
but i did it aniwae yesterday...

haha, bet she nv expected me to turn up at jj.... i never expected to be able to reach there aniwae..
sir told mi to book out at 10pm. their performance ends around 9 plus. which means i wldn't haf time to rush down, much less buy flowers...
but nah..
lady luck shone on me.
we took the first tunnel back to company line, and i begged sir to let me out earli... rushed to westmall to buy flowers. rushed to jj, and gave her a dozen roses...

gee.. de last time i gave her flowers was when she performed at kallang wiv rv or sth...
at that time i did tell myself that i wld gif her flowers each time she danced on stage...

sigh
wadeva it is..
hope she was pleasantly surprised.. n happy =)
coz if she's happy, i am! :P

hee..

wad a fruitful day.
went out almost de whole day. first half of de day spent wiv my parents, went to buy my camoflauge cream, went for lunch, den went home to change.

rushed to meet mel... wanted to watch movie at town, but there weren't ani nice shows there aniwae. went to bugis, saw mike n jiahui. went town, saw mani mani ppl i knew...
saw amelia at cine todae.
she looked kinda different. de last time i saw her was de last day of school. n de last time i talked to her was like ages ago...den again, i tink we wldn't even talk if we were right in front of each other...

felt a bitter sour tangy kinda feeling when i saw ame. its de kind of feelin when u feel like walkin up to ask her how she's doing, but sth's holding u back bcoz u fear she'll be cold or sth...

but yup. den i met ryan n mike to watch soccer at CHIJMES. man u won 4-0. how cool. n it realli rocks to be able to meet up wiv my buddies again. haven seen dem much since i've been to ns... hahax, i bought 2 t shirts yesterday. frm freshbox and fleshimp... haha... in fact, i think i spent lots of money yesterday.

ah. i just realised this is one of de onli entries without N's name in it. but ah, there it goes, i just mentioned her again. blehx. i shld stop thinking.

its 830am now. got to book in camp in.... exactly 11 hour 30 mins. sumbody save me.

had been stayin in de lush vegetations of de forest for de past 7 days... eating pathetic food rations dat tastes somewhat like dog food, biscuits, groping ur way thru de dark, feeding de mosquitoes wiv ur fresh blood, sleepin in bashars that are hot n stuffy, sleepin in trench holes u spend hours digging urself, finding urself awake wiv an earthworm beside u, etc.etc...

i feel as though i just got thru de worse phase of my entire bmt...
sleepless nights,
countless countdowns,
still cant believe that i got thru this stupid field camp in 7 days..

seargent iskandar even made us do crunches in our underwear late at night.
and red ants were all over me when i went down in my crunches position... i may haf just landed on an ant's hill.
but other than that,
this is an experience i wouldn't want to forget. days of not bathing, wearin de same old sweaty uniform, smellin worse than ammonia, etc.

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field camp gave me so much time to think.
when de forest goes dark, i tend to sit outside my bashar and look at de stars.... wondering how it would be like if she was by my side.
msged her before i left.... dono why i did... but i told her i'm leavin for a wk field camp, n that i think i'll be missing her n tat she'll be de onli one i'll be thinking of...
well... she dint reply
den again, i cant blame her..
i'm just this hopeless guy who would probably never be loved by her again...

still.
life goes on,
and no matter wad,
i know N will always be on my mind..
if onli she knew how important she was to me...