We all live only once...

performance back at pioneer jc today...
the school's changed so much
no more mr quek..
mr tay was on reservist
no more mr eddie koh..

glad to haf seen mdm theresa wong back.. she's my fav maths teacher..
n teachers like dennis yeoh, mrs leong, mr ridzuan... yups...

thought the first batch of audiences were more fun..
but yups, both were fine overall..
n i thought alison was realli cute... like deres just sth abt her dat she exudes... a little classiness or sth... okae den again.. mebbe i'm just biased...

had some horrid moments in the 2nd one when zhi dui ni shuo went too high, n a few of de songs went flat.. but all of us were tired n hungry at tat time i guess..

got some encouraging notes and emails on both youtube and email too =)

watched stay alive today...
and i got stalked by this two girls... dey were damn funny though.. kept walkin behind me, den shuting n i decided to stop walking n pretend to look down, den dey walked past us, but before we knew it, dey pretended to enter another shop n waited till we walked past den dey followed us again..

ah... n i was out de whole day. performance at pjc. movie at westmall. hardly had 1 hr of dinner time at home den i rushed out to meet mike to support velle and huimin at soka association, den we headed down to club home for some drinks w/ james javin and eugene.. den we went boat quay for supper, etc... oh ya, thanks james for de ride home too =)

i think i'm slowly regaining some confidence in singing...
though i still hate it when i record my own voice...
like mark said..dere's just sth wrong wiv my voice. i sound fine live . but i sound weird when its recorded.. :|

aniwae. its saturday tmr.
i dont want monday to come
i dont want to go back to camp.
i dont want to cut my hair (coz i'm goin back to camp)

ah well...
here's a toast to a pretty fun day =)

n yup.
i miss u...

arh well, gettin emotional again.. ciaoz..

i like it when the music blasts in ur ears
when everyone else around u is having fun

i rarely thought clubbing was fun till lately... =p

i stand on the stage alone
the lights reflecting my shadow
the music playing, reflects my soul
its not everytime i'm performing
that i cant see your face in the audience
yet, in my heart, we'll never be apart...

i feel weird inside..
its like...
i had this sudden dream of her today while taking my nap..
n this sudden niggling feeling i shld msg her..
den i went to my hp, n i remembered tat i deleted her number off my hp as a reminder not to msg her again..

but i still just did..
okae. i know i dont expect a reply...
arh
ya i guess so...

u're on my mind. 1145pm. 240906.

since i'm on de topic of nana's bdae..
here are de long awaited birthday
photos frm my chalet..
(which i hardly took coz i was drunk)












the very bunch of buddies whom i know i'll still
meet many yrs down de road..
javin james, marvin, ryan, mike,
detong n eugene











and of course not forgettin..
best of buddies since sec 1..
fang n justin...
u guys made my secondary sch
life reallly enjoyable..

















chong kailing..
used to love her..
and of coz i still do now
thanks for being such a wonderful
fren.. =)












the bunch of crazy guys from mdc..











and of course.. the cake shuting bought
for me.. thanks for de surprise


and ya.. the mani mani ppl who came to celebrate my bdae wiv me at de chalet..
i donno if i'll be able to name all of u...
but yups.. thanks wan hsin... kailing...
michele, xiaoting, jieying, yuanshan
jonathan ang
fang, justin..
nana, wanting, carmen..
kirana..
huixin, rosalind, leemei, wanqing
jaryl, mark
detong mike ryan james javin marvin
dawn
charles

and of coz de ppl i hoped to see who cldnt turn up..
u are in my mind all de same..
mel..
thanks samm and yingyi for best wishes =)
astro...
yea... lots n lots of u...

yu nana's birthday celebrations...













de cake i bought...
think its damn nice la...
rich in chocolate...
n seriously, i did feel stupid waitin
outside until midnight
but it was worth it to see ur smile! =)

















and the birthday girl.. who sportingly volunteered
to look chubby coz i insisted i looked fat.. =)

may we be frens mani yrs down the road =)

was watchin this show abt a rock star and a daddy's girl...
both called nana...
wonderful thought invoking show... its like 340am now... n the show just ended..

-----
a sudden thought flashed thru my mind after de movie...
the rocker found her own world... in singing.... in love...
and the sweet girl found her own world, staying with the rocker girl... and being best of friends..

in where do i find my own world?
a world where i know i belong once i step into it...
at this point of time, music could be my "world".. but really... its not as if i feel like i belong to the world when i'm doing music isn't it...

so in who can i find my world?
who would make up my world?
if i could create a world of my own where i can live in, who would be in it? where would it be? what would it consist of?

what kind of a world do you want to belong in?

went zouk just now for de NUM urban male party or wadeva...
was dere wiv jon ang dawn and all her friends..

something's wrong with me though...
i feel different from usual..
i cld dance and talk to this reali cute girl.. whos dawn's fren..

twice she was beside me...
but twice i just pretended to look at my phone and walk away....

in fact, i met so mani frens dere at zouk todae.. but each time i see dem, i kind of just either 1) dont feel like dancing with them. 2) dont even feel like saying hi... 3) pretend i didnt see dem..

i feel anti social today.
n i dunno why..
dere's just sth at de back of my mind..

maybe its you...

supposed to go zouk, but ended up not gg.
bought a cake to celebrate nana's bdae for her at midnight... hahaa..
wanting n carmen supposed to join us but dey didnt in de end.. so yups..
aniwaee...
happy birthday nana..
knowing you has been one of de best things that happened in life..
=)

may all ur wishes come true :)

i cant believe i'm 21 actually...
its just like... i dont even feel old yet...
n i feel like i still think like a kid.

urghx..
------
okay. i'm damn bored now..
feelin like super nua...
n dere's absolutely nobody to ask out, nothing to do, no where to go...
and its onli 12 noon..
which means i'm probably goin to spend de nxt 12 hours doin nothing to day..

i am developing what i deem as mico-phobia.
the fear of hearing my own voice coming out of the speakers.

lakeside pri sch performance today was ... kind of threatening..
at no point of the mic check & the actual performance did i think i sounded fine.

i have been in so many relationships before...
been supposedly in love for so many times.......

but i remember how hard it was for me to say those 3 words...

perhaps..
maybe..
thats bcoz in my entire life,
i have only loved 4 ppl before.... those 4 i could truly sincerely tell i loved them...
and right now..
i feel as though its so hard to ever love again....

the perfect girl doesnt exist.

gone is the girl who spent 2 yrs of her life wiv me.
gone is the girl whom i would spend de whole night stayin at her house just accompanying her to do her holiday hwk..
and gone is the girl whom i fell in love with twice in my life, and let go twice in my life... the girl with her painted nails...

haunted past perhaps?
nah. i don think so.
its true.
lookin around me..
i realli do think the perfect girl doesnt exist..

alright... the superstar journey's over~

don wanna go too much into details.. but it was kinda disappointing..
considering that the first few contestants that got in were like mediocre... n de more i saw those that got in, the more confident i was that i would..

but yea... the judges apparently think i've no originality.. coz i sound like lin jun jie...
den again, they took a step further when they said i sounded like "lin jun jie wiv a sore throat"..
like yups.. thanks....

its not so much abt the disappointment of not getting in coz i was kinda expecting it...
but its the disappointment of hearing such weird and nonsensical comments...

-------
n whats worse.. there were fantastic singers that got kicked out... n super cork ones that got in...

arh well..
aniwae.. thanks to the following ppl for goin down...
thanks wanhsin, shuting, kailing, michele, yuanshan, noelle, cheryl, my parents....
kinda feel bad wasting ur time standing there den i eventually got out.. but ya.. i realli tried my best...

------
wasn't feeling in a very good mood to go home after de auditions...
so i headed down to cineleisure wiv shuting kailing n hsin to treat dem to dinner... coz i realli felt bad... hahx... den later i headed down to clarke quay to meet dawn to get tickets for some free party at gotham penthouse... haha... had some vodka before leavin around 12 midnight...

------
okae.. de comments are still in my head...
i mean ya... i like jj... but i dont try to sing like him...

arh well...
------
random thought..
did i tell u how much it hurts to see the girl u love being wiv some1 else?
i mean ya.. part of u says "she's happi, n i'm happy she's happy..." .. but the other part of u wished that guy beside her in that photograph was u..

arh ya... i'm developing phobia for singing actualli...
dere's a show at lakeside primary tmr...
sigh........

why do the tears still come...

its not easy u know....

felt like singing hen xiang ni for auditions tmr...
but i thought i might actually cry while singing it, which is pretty gay...
hahax...
but yea...

download z chen's hen xiang ni.. pretty old song.. but very sweet.. n meaningful..
n it totally describes how i feel....

p.s. the video below this entry is done by SAF MDC MVE... kukrusann (our grp name).. hahx...
link us~

okae.
i haven prepared my song for superstar.
and i dunno wad to sing

jianjiandandan OR juli
liuxingzhujiao OR caocao..

and shld i bring my tuning fork?
urghx..

n i'm running a flu now wiv a horrible throat... must be zouk's fault..
urghx...

she's different.
she's beautiful, on the outside, on the inside,
even with my oversized t-shirt.

now that she's gone..
whats left of her is this song.

he better take good care of her... i know he would...

i just fixed the links to my songs..
so for those who cldn't download the songs... the links are fixed.. =)

my birthday just passed.....
n ya.......
i guess... i kind of enjoyed this yr's birthday celebrations.. the party on 9th with eugene and all my frens... n buyin clothes n splurging $300 today..
oh well..

i shldn't compare shld i?
thanks to everyone who made my birthday special and meaningful..
for all de wishes..
i'll thank u guys again when i find the time to update my blog...
meanwhile.. i'm gonna go take a rest.. n prepare for another day of camp again tmr..

can't let go

Even though I try I can’t let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in my dreams
You’re all I know
I can’t let go

Just cast aside
You don’t even know I’m alive
You just walk on by
Don’t care to see me cry
And here I am
Still holding on
I can’t accept
My world is gone

Chorus

Do you even realize the sorrow I have inside
Everyday of my life
Do you know the way it feels
When all you have just dies
I try and try to deny that I need you
But still you remain on my mind

No I just can’t get you out of my mind
I never can say goodbye
‘Cause every night
I see you in my dreams

You’re all I know
I can’t let you go
Even though I try
I can’t let go of something I need so badly
You’re all I know
I can’t let go

okae. i'm goin to write more abt my bdae party later when i wake up..
kinda feeling hangover-ish now...

being drunk gives me de courage to do things i never would haf done if i'm awake..

things to do for the following week:
1. prepare for my bdae celebrations on saturday
2. buy a jacket for superstar.
3. choose 2songs for superstar 2nd round (any1 can help mi on this?)
4. celebrate my actual birthday on tues
5. meet up with a few friends.
6. lose weight apparently..
7. get a haircut..
8. still give tuition
9. still teach music.
10. start trying to be happy with my life...

arh... why does it feel like i'm goin to be realli busy

superstar auditions.
firstly, thanks shuting for accompanying me down... and waitin so mani hours alone...

okae
here's de goodnews. and de badnews.

badnews.
i think i embarassed myself on tv. if dat footage is goin to be played out at all its gonna be embarassing...
coz i not onli embarassed myself once, but thrice...
first. i accidentally took my tuning fork in to superstar auditions.. i meant to put it in my pocket.. but de girl pushed me in de room and stressed me out so i walked in looking blur, wiv de tuning fork in my hands. den de producers had to say ""hey... can u knock tat tuning fork in front for de camera to see"".. so i had to pretend to like knock it so tat they could capture tat....

secondly. the producer praised my voice... den before i walked out.. he said "u got to lose weight to look more shang4 jing4" haha.... den yups.. just as i thought de nightmare was over, dey interviewed me outside n asked me if my pride was hurt... wahahaha....
i was like "huh... no la, coz my frens always say i'm fat aniwaee" haha... but still, its gonna be embarassing.

okae.
heres de goodnews. *which in some way may be bad too*
i'm in de 2nd round..
i was so nervous. kept hearing de buzzer "u are out" sound when i was outside...
so i was like "oh shit, there it goes, i queued for 10 hours for nothing"
den arh... by a stroke of luck, i actualli managed to get in... mm...
*de bad news however is tat, i think this is de furthest i'll go*

but nonetheless, 2nd round auditions is open air
on 16th sept at toa payoh hub...
yups..
would be great if u guys could go down.. =)

--------------------------
now... time to urm... eat less i guess? :P (though i know its gonne be quite impossible coz eating's my hobbbyyy.. lalalaa)

this reali funny photo taken years back... wiv jonathan ang, who coincidentally has joined SAF MDC MVE! its amazing how de world's so small yups?

but aniwae, got this random thought suddenli frm lookin at de photo..



if any of u could turn back time, would u?

who in this world really knows me?
realli trusts me? and understands me...

mebbe a few...
ryan maybe? detong? mike?
nana? eugene?
dionne? justin?
hsin? esther?

i dont even noe who are my friends really....
i mean.. yes, i do haf a lot of friends... but how mani realli noe me inside out? how mani would realli be there for me 24-7..

so what if i haf a huge social circle?
hahx..it doesnt realli matter...