We all live only once...

i realy cant imagine going over to Australia for 3 weeks plus...
yes, its fun performing..
but to make me go so far.. to perform like wad.. 9 shows?

kind of waste of time isn't it.. :S
and wads worst, its a period of time where all my frens finish their exams n stuffs...
urghx..

was kind of flippin thru my photo album, and browsing thru my computer n surfin around..
when i came across this..
taken abt a year ago...

u noe wad...
did i mention tat i miss mel....
miss her presence...
she used to be the only one i cld talk to when i'm down..
the only one who would listen to me without any grudges...
she would be dere when i'm cryin on de fone, tryin to comfort me... listening to me talk n talk n talk without ever complaining that she was bored...
we would watch every single movie available, hang around at westmall like so often but nv feel bored... watch me eat when i'm hungry at de food court...blahblahblah~..

thanks for being a great buddy still...
i know u wont be reading this, but whatever it is, i wish u the best of luck for ur As...

i haf weirdest dreams at night...
dreaming of de same few ppl.... dat i dont realli contact actualli..
but somehow these few ppl would just constantly appear in my dreams...

....

playin football manager made me realise.. dat some ppl respond better to praises, and some better to criticisms..

i think i respond better to praises...
thanks guys for the tags and de encouragement...
i actually once thought of not writing animore music coz i feel its kinda meaningless...

i guess i'm wrong =)
i'm glad someone appreciates that little bit of talent i have...

thank God for this gift...

i had a dream just now..
n this phrase came out in de dream before i woke up..

it was that instant i saw you that my heart stopped beating.

i've been thinking thru de past few weeks... thru my sleepless nights...

you know you've found that someone special when...

-u think everything about her is attractive...
she looks best when she wakes up in the morning with her grumpy face and messy hair, and she looks better than best when u see her all dolled up for that dinner date with you. she looks good when she's wearing ur baggy pants and oversized polo shirt...n she smells good even after a jog or somethin..

-u want to meet her family..
u want to know her mum, her dad, her sisters, brothers. u want to leave a good impression on them. u not only want to spend time with her, but everyone close around her...

-u love her for whoever she is..
she can have a really loud voice, or she can be really fierce to you. she can punch u, pinch u, shout at u.. but after everything, u love her more than ever..

-u want to do everything with her.
yes, you may enjoy watchin soccer with ur pals, but you want her to be around when u're with ur friends as well... not coz u want to show her off to others, but bcoz u want her to get to know urself better...

you know she loves you when ...
-she tolerates all ur nonsense.
you can be a bastard, an impatient freak, a bad tempered monster, a over-jealous creature, a dumb poor guy, but she still sees so much in you.
-you think u're fat and ugly, but she thinks that u're cute and adorable..
-she's there for u every single minute when u're sad, n she buys u breakfast... offers to take care of u when u're sick..

you know what?
thinking back lately...
i realised how much i've missed thru these yrs...
frm my first r'ship all de way till now, have i really honestly appreciated all that was ever done to me? or did i always take it for granted?
i believe i've always been taking things for granted. i always thought i knew what love was... but after watchin World Trade Centre yesterday... i realised... love is more than just companionship, its about that special bond in ur heart...
i once thought about things while watchin Titanic actually. if i was in a sinking ship, and i was afraid to die, i would still risk my life to save the girl who means so much to me...
so what if i stayed alive? life would be meaningless if i didnt haf her around me..

---

arh well, call me dramatic or something...
but realli... i'm not worthy to be termed as someone who knows what love is.
yes, i've been thru a lot...
but that doesnt make me wiser.
it only made me demean the value of what true love is about..

and i believe..
she's somewhere out there...
maybe i have met her before. maybe i even was once in a r'ship with her before. or maybe she's just a total stranger whom i would meet eventually..
but i know she's somewhere out there..
the girl who would love me for who i am
the girl who would guide me thru my darkest hours
and the girl i would want to save and spend the rest of my life with.

saw de doctor todae. i'm sufferin frm a recurrance of my slipped disc. which explains why i cant get out of bed every morning, etc.... no more strenous exercise for de next few wks... n i'm gonna be living on painkillers for de rest of de month....
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new phone...
SE W850i..
spent a bomb on it.
and i bought it on impulse as usual
wad a spender..

now i've got to save for the rest of the month.
no more unnecessary taxi trips, etc.

meanwhile..
mebbe its a sign
all de memories kept in my N70.. all traded away..
its all gone
de msges she sent, etc..
dixie, i'm gonna put you out of my mind this time
stop living a lie
i guess i'm down.. to one last cry..

today marks a new day for myself..
i'm gonna try to be happy..

woke up today paralysed.. as in literally paralysed..
i had to crawl out of bed, and crawl to get help frm my parents room..

woke up wiv this sharp pain at my back/spine area...
den i tried to get out of bed, n i realised my leg was immobile..
it was realli scary...

took painkillers and muscle relexant.. its feeling slightly better now.. but still realli uncomfortable... urghx...

n coz of this, i missed soccer today..
-----

its 130am now and i realli dont feel good...
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was lookin forward to seeing mel yesterday but somethign cropped up in de end..
i doubt i'll ever get to see her in de near future..
which is sad..coz she's like best girl fren i have to share my problems with when i' msad... or my happiness when i'm happy..

met up wiv kirana after a long long time as well... =) studied together though i probably had nothing else to study....

den met up wiv detong at night..we went to westmall n de two of us went to find psp games...

its fridae tmr, lantern festival and i dunno.. i just feel like shit right now..

-----------
i dont feel good, i realli dont...

i'm nothing but a useless piece of beep. urghx.

went to NUSS yesterday to attend my FRIEND'S wedding...
if i remember correctly, this is the first friend of mine getting married..
seeing qianwen and mr augustine ng getting married made me feel like getting married too..

its like.. u see augustine singing to qianwen though he cant...
seeing qianwen tearing..
how pretty qianwen looked.. n how urm.. smart augustine looked....
and most importantly how happy and blissful they both looked standing together...
n the happiness of their family... friends...

okay... i had this visual image of my wedding momentarily..
dried ice, smoke, lighting, super good sound system, pianist...
yea...
though sadly... i didnt haf dat visual image of who my wife would be..
duhx..

but ya, i wanna get married!!!